A text message from a trustworthy news channel I subscribe to came through at 19:10 this evening “Amy Winehouse is dead”…
I felt as if I’d been beaten down with a heavy brick – or rather a slab of concrete. My legs turned to jelly and I immediately had to go and sit down to prevent myself from falling over. Completely disorientated, the tears began to run down my face in the middle of this high-end shopping mall in downtown Munich. I couldn’t give a flying fcuk who was looking at me….this was my FRIEND, my dear, dear, dear friend Amy that had passed on!
Immediately the thoughts ran through my head – memories of how many nights – during my darkest, most dreadful hours, it was HER and her alone who stayed with me, stroked my soul with her thoughtful words and sung me to sleep .
She knew EXACTLY what I was I going through after my ex-husband had left. She knew how troubled and full of self-doubt one can become. She accompanied me til the wee hours of the morning and never judged – not even when I was drowning in blackness and wallowing in self-pity. She UNDERSTOOD like NO other!
“It’s okay in the day I’m staying busy
Tied up enough so I don’t have to wonder where is he
Got so sick of crying -So just lately When I catch myself I do a 180
I stay up clean the house – At least I’m not drinking
Run around just so I don’t have to think about thinking
That silent sense of content -That everyone gets
Just disappears soon as the sun sets “
Amy, my friend, my confidant, my pillar of strength – I never got a chance to meet you personally, or even to see you live – but you got me from thinking Love is a Losing Game to carressing my lonely soul on many a night as I Woke up Alone and went Back to Black, and then eventually you helped my Tears Dry on their Own…
The most important lesson you taught me however:
“I should just be my own best friend, Not fuck myself in the head withstupid men”
I Follow you, I Feel you, I love you,
Your (very, very sad) Nu